Overcoming my flaws

Never felt so insecure or fearful in my life. Or perhaps this is the time when I truly felt the full force of these two emotions that have longed struggled to surface within me.

Struggling against the fears of screwing up my job, which I concluded to myself after much thought that I cannot depend my enture life on this job. The industry of which I am in is one of my interests but the environment and how things are being done, I can’t seem to get myself to reconcile to that. I hate to be labelled as a bummer or failure in life so I will try to sit through the full term of my job before proceeding on to my bigger goal in life.

And why I would be so fearful of such a trivial thing (as compared to say people who are terribly affected by poverty, violence and unemployment in other parts of the world) is probably my insecurity, another conclusion I came to. I find myself admitting to the cold hard truth that I need some form of recognition or approval from people in life because I never had that from my family. In the things that I did when I was younger, it was fraught with disapprovals, setbacks and loneliness, which after a while, a fear of such repercussions set in and bringing that fear into my adulthood.

It is a struggle with these feelings in me, and I want to overcome them. Of late, I’ve been turning back to the religious devotionals to get my perspective, self-confidence and fearlessness back on track. I won’t have to handle all these alone, someone higher up is looking after all of us. This journey won’t be easy and at many times, discouraging. But I am not going to give up the fight and I am going to focus on the bigger things that I want to accomplish in life. Confidence in living the life that I believe in for myself and to accomplish my bigger goals (hopefully based on a less selfish platform) in life.

Friends, if you are reading this and if you are experiencing something similiar to what I am going through, I pray you will not fret and know that there is support out there.